Jim Goes Down

Howdy Folks, I wasn't able to make it to this run personally, but I got the unbiased run report straight from the fingertips of Theresa. I've taken a few liberties with format, but have not changed the text one iota. I've included the e-mail responses as well so that you may feel the love. Enjoy!

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Holy freakin news flash Batman!!

During this morning's run the unmentionable happened! Take a seat folks cuz this is big.

Bad Jim must've been a tad fatigued from yesterday's run, when he exerted a huge amount of energy talking the ear off of the New-Guy-Whom-We-Will-Never-See-Again. In typical BJ fashion, Jim started up with the poor soul seconds after we started; "What's your name? (feigning interest). I'm Jim, they call me Bad Jim, but they're all wrong. I'm really quite nearly perfect and I take these guys on the most interesting runs they've ever been on........." You get the idea. The Jim autobiography channel was in full swing. Generally he starts with the present and works backward chronologically, covering every Jim-significant event in his life, with barely a breath between paragraphs. It should be noted that I've know Jim for over 6 years and I've only made it back to the 3rd grade with his retrospective. Ogle murmured to me that we'd never see this guy again before we'd even gone back 2 weeks! "Oh, then there was this b-i-i-i-g controversy about who would pay for the towels first. The loser would have to wrap them all................" he droned on, mile after mile. New Guy started to look dazed. Nancy Ogle stumbled and fell, then several minutes later rolled her ankle and went down again. She said she didn't know what happened, she was just telling New Guy (NG) about the history of the Boulders and down she went. NG quietly said to Jim, "I somehow feel responsible." This sent the group into spasms of laughter and inquiries as to if he was a Mr. Wonderful in Training. "Well..." he started to reply, when BJ jump-started his motor mouth and was off on another story...."That's ok, let me tell you how they treat nice guys. One night I was running with these 2 ladies, and it was dark, and they had headlights and I didn't, and they set an ambush for me. Oh it was terrible!! They jumped out from behind this tree here, and YELLED at me! After all I've done for them! A travesty I tell you, a travesty!" Poor NG tried several tactics to distance himself from the rambling runner. He slowed down, Jim slowed down, he sped up, Jim slowed up. Finally he resigned himself to his fate. You could see it in his posture, he just sagged. Nogle observed that at this point all he could probably hear was the 'wah,wah,wah,wa wah' of Charlie Brown's teacher.

But I digress.
This morning we started off, Nancy, Bruce myself and Motor Mouth. It was your typical Sunday run. Bruce was tired and had a false start right at the beginning. The terrain was not fit for a recent sprained ankle and at one point we found ourselves trotting through 6 foot high cornstalks like something out of a movie scene. Bruce said he felt like he was in a carwash. Nancy was wildly flailing her arms in front of her, trying to beat her way through the seaweed-like, choking stalks. Jim was babbling away, as usual, completely oblivious to the group's distress, once in a while yelling, "TRAIL!!", as if we'd fall for that remark. Theresa took to yelling, "field!" just to remind him that a trail is not defined as the space between 2 rows of corn. After we'd been underway for about 40 min. Jim thought he'd be a smart aleck and take us on a winding single track that eventually popped out about 75 yards from the point we'd gone into the track. 10 minutes into it, it happened. He tripped over a tree root, that had been spray painted a bright neon orange to alert bikers/runners!! Down he went, like a rock! Folks, he was SPEECHLESS!!!! So were we for that matter. We could hear the birds chirping, the wind in the tree tops, and the pitter patter of rain on the canopy above us, he was so quiet! He sat there for far less than the allotted 3 minutes, set his jaw (after informing us all that he'd heard something snap), got up and strode off. We followed. After a few minutes he started jogging again, but was still unnaturally quiet. Nancy broke the silence finally by saying that she'd figured it out. She was getting an unnecessary amount of attention due to her baseball sized ankle, and Jim was feeling threatened. Hence the spill. You could tell that broke the ice because Jim started off again, slowly to be sure, but he did build up speed. "That's right, it isn't all about you Nancy, it's about me and my needs, and I need to get you people out of these woods. Now I've just snapped the bone in my lower leg, but I know that if I don't suck it up and lead you out, that you'll all be stranded here for days. When I was a sophomore in high school I took a trip to Acapulco, Mexico. I had to resuce the whole group of us from a gay pick-pocket that was on the bus we took after we got off the plain in Madrid......."

Sandwiched there, somewhere in between the running saga of Jim's Amazing Life is the news of the century. Jim went down.

Editor's Note: This story was used with permission from Granny Apple Run Reports Syndicate&trade.

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Jim Strikes Back

Don't worry, I'm recovering well in the ICU. After weeks of therapy I will once
again be fearlessly leading you on adventures of a lifetime. Until then flowers,
gifts and hot meals can be delivered to 60 Williamstown Road in care of "Bad Jim". I love you all.

~Bad Jim

Editor's Note: Right. I'll leave something hot and steamy on your doorstep.

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Jim's Mouth Puts Him in the ICU

Only Jim would imagine himself in the ICU after a mere broken leg. I'm thinking he's in the ICU because he was talking the ears off of the ER staff and they took preventitive measures ( mallet to the side of his head to shut him up) and the results bought him a bed in ICU. David, can you get the scoop when you go to work tomorrow?

~Theresa

I hope you found this story enlightening and enjoyable. I know I did, the snot on my monitor and coffee on my keyboard will attest to that. Sorry I missed the run.